"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics.
Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or
young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell
you that? Didn't he?"
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don't fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There's blood on your hands
Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show
First of all, allow me to state my opinion on prayer in schools. This view has gotten me shunned and flamed by other Christians, but I actually do not support prayer in public schools. I am fine with events such as See You At The Pole. I have nothing against the Federation of Christian Athletes. But you know what? A prayer mural has no place in a public school. In the public school system, it should be a safe place for all. Christian, Muslim, Jew, Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist... it should be a safe haven for all.
And really? The public education's goal and purpose is to educate the child. MY child. Their job is not to teach my children about faith in God and religion. Christian teachers? Fine! Wonderful! They want to talk about their religion outside of the classroom and interact with my child? Sweet! But in the class room? Not cool. It's not that person's job to be shepherding my kid's faith.
You know who's job that is? That's MY job, my FAMILY'S job, my CHRUCH'S job. We should not place that job in the hands of a public school. I am fine with my children learning about different religions even as a part of World History as knowing the religion and how faith impacted that era of history is often critical to the events. But prayer in public schools? Keep it out.
That aside, let's look at the manner. We live in a culture, in a world, where we are told to stand out for what we believe. I can't count the number of times in high school I was urged to "stand for what is right." To speak out for what I believed. This is what Jessica did. And what happened? She was cruelly bullied!
This is what gives Christians a bad name. Thing is? These teenagers are likely hearing this at home. It's what their parents believe. And frankly, it rings of the Westboro Baptist Church. (Good grief, the church's URL is godhatesfags.com? Way to promote love there, mate!). These are NOT what true Christians are.
I often believe that these people are naturally hateful, and are looking for something to blame it on. Something they can use to help themselves not seem so hateful. After all, if we candy-coat and sugar-frost it with religion, it doesn't seem so bad, now does it? But because people do things like this, it paints all Christians with a tainted paintbrush.
If these people want to witness to this girl? There's other ways to do it! Talk to her about why she wanted the mural taken down. Be respectful to her. Listen to her views, and tastefully state yours. But telling her Satan is going to rape her? That you're doing a holocaust to atheists? Tell me, how does that promote your cause? It makes you look like a righteous idiot. Christianity boils down to a doctrine of love, and this is NOT what you are promoting. You disagree with her courageous, right choice? Fine, you have the right to that. Jessica, however, has the right to feel safe in her school. She hasn't come back to the school? THE POOR GIRL IS FEARING FOR HER LIFE!
And really? If you're telling her that "God is going to fuck your ass" why are you serving that kind of God? That's not remotely the kind of God that I want to serve nor IS it the God I serve. If you want people to rot in hell, I suggest you examine yourself more closely and read your Bible better. I suggest you see how Jesus responded to the Pharisees. And I suggest you examine yourself deeply because you are NOT promoting the Gospel that is promoted in Scripture.
I applaud the court's decision. I am thrilled that the police are taking the threats seriously. I am disgusted and sickened by the students doing this in the name of religion, because it's not what Jesus is about. And above all, I pray that Jessica finds peace in the midst of this. I pray that she has a supportive family who is helping her through this. And I hope that these students see how badly they are tarnishing the name of Christianity and get a life.
He died on 3 July 1975. He was 57 years old. And he is still one of the most important men in my life. Perhaps "still" isn't the best word to use, because I was born almost 12 years after he died and I never met him. I've never heard his voice. But I believe with all my heart that he's watching over me, and that he even visits the Rainbow Bridge to take care of my doggies. And he's the man that I live to make proud. I'm told he always wanted a daughter, and I often wondered if he had lived to see me born how my life would have been different. I'm told I would have been spoiled rotten, so perhaps it's for the best. I still wonder.
I'm told I have a bit of his temper. I wonder what other personality traits I share with him. I imagine he was rather sarcastic, and I, shockingly enough, am fluent in sarcasm. I wonder if he liked pathetic puns. I wonder if he was easily amused. I wonder if I look like him. From the few pictures I've seen, I can see some of his facial features in me, but perhaps that's just wishful thinking.
I may have never met him. I never will meet him, not in this life at least. But I have to wonder, does he look out for me? Does he send little messages from wherever he is? And does he love me as much as I love him? Does he see any of his little quirks in me? Does he see any of his wife in me?
Nevertheless, I live to make the man I never met proud. I live to be the girl that he says "Yeah, you see that beautiful brunette? That's MY granddaughter, and I'm proud of her."
I was kind of lame and didn't even make it until midnight for the first time in several years. Um, oops. Oh well. I hope that lameness doesn't last into the new year. ;)
I like to reflect on New Years, and what all went down in the previous year. I transferred out of a school that was a living hell for me and I had back surgery. People I loved died. My mom, whom I have virtually no contact with, got diagnosed with a form of cancer. I had many health struggles and many friendship difficulties. I got my official eating disorder DX. I've been fighting my insurance. So much has hit the fan this year.
I made new friends, made other friendships stronger, and lost some friendships. But I did learn many things this past year:
1. To quote the Fray: "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
2. Sometimes, we have to man up (woman up) and do what is emotionally painful and has dire consequences, just because it's the right thing.
3. We shouldn't let petty fights end friendships that one were once beautiful, because life is fragile and we don't know when that person will die. Petty fights aren't worth being immature over.
4. I'm learning more about cooking gluten free food. Sometimes it tastes awesome and I make seconds, other times it tastes awful and I have to choke it down. ;)
5. Sometimes, taking a scary plunge into a new horizon is the best possible choice.
Old stuff: some old NYE/New Year's Day Posts:
December 31, 2005:
"2005. It's almost over.
I'm filled with memories by it. Some good, some bad. This year is one
to remember, for sure. My entire life changed this year. Everything
changed. Is there a better hope for next year? Is there a better life
next year? I hope so.
I mean, this year, I turned 18. Of course, it wasn't the best birthday,
I can only hope my birthday in 2006 will be better. I changed schools,
I moved, so much changed.
Will two thousand and six be better?"
January 1, 2006:
"Sometimes I wish it was easier. I wish I could just trust in God. I
wish I could just love Him, but I don't know that I can. I don't know
what I want with my life anymore.
I don't know what I want to do. I don't know where I want to turn. I
don't know where I want to go. I don't know what to do with all these
feelings bubbling up inside of me.
I don't know what to do with this bitterness. I don't know what to do
with this hatred. I don't know what to do with this pain, what to turn
it into, what to channel it to.
I don't know what to do with this feeling of not being good enough. I
don't know what to do with thse memories. I can't just shove them
aside, after all.
I don't know what to do with the past. I don't know what to do with it.
I know I need to learn from it, but I don't know what to do with it. I
just don't know anything anymore.
I don't know where I need to turn. I don't know what I need to do. I just know..that I need help."
2012, please don't suck.
Dear 2012, Please kick my ass and make up for all the crapiness I dumped. Love, 2011.
I've been told before that I'm lucky to be on Medicaid. While I don't deny that it has it's benefits, do any of the people having any idea of the hell I face?
In order not to have chronic nausea, I require a medication that costs over 2 grand a month. I don't get it. In order to not have chronic pain, that would run nearly 200 a month. Instead of paying for that, they pay for trigger point injections, acupuncture, physical therapy, and more. When if they just paid for the damn medication, it would be cheaper. They denied my spacer for my asthma inhalers. 30 bucks. Complete with rude pharmacy tech who got snippy with me when I told her I couldn't pay today.
I'm filing an appeal for my CT scan. If it's denied, it's over $1,000. Why did I have it? To make sure that the rods from the back surgery that we had to FIGHT to get covered, hadn't shifted. Yet, oh no, it's not "medically necessary."
I can't get the cough medicine I need to sleep some nights. It's only $35.
I don't have the money laying around to cover these meds. I go without medical treatment that I need, just like everyone else does. Just like the people who have "good" insurance, I go without.
Just because I'm on welfare doesn't mean that I get everything handed to me on a silver platter, which many seem to think. I still fight for my medical needs, and yes, I go without.
Don't just judge me because I'm on welfare. I don't have it easy, either.
I miss the Christmases of my childhood. Since moving to Minnesota, I have not been to a single Christmas Eve service. Something has come up every single year and I haven't gone. I've spend them with friend's families every year. But oh... sometimes I miss the traditions of childhood.
I miss my childhood tree ornaments. I miss eating a shrimp ring on Christmas Eve. I miss my grandfather heckling me on Christmas Day. I miss playing with my new toys on Christmas morning.
