and I can't make it on my own, because my heart is in ohio

Sometimes I get homesick for Ohio. I suppose it's natural to get homesick for a place I haven't been to since 2008, but really?

Sometimes I want to eat dinner at Bob Evans, Steak N Shake, or Big Boy.
Sometimes I want to go to Giant Eagle or Kroger.
Sometimes I want Mike Sells Potato Chips.
Sometimes I want to go to Ceaser's Creek.
Sometimes I want to go to MY library, the one a block away from my house.
Sometimes I want my doctors in the OhioHealth system back.
Sometimes I want to call it a parking garage instead of a parking ramp.
Sometimes I want to be able to say "I'm from Washington Court House" instead of "Near Columbus." Of course, WCH is a good hour away from C-bus, but if I say court house up here I get clear WTH looks.
Sometimes I want to go to the Columbus Zoo.
Sometimes I want to go to COSI (which I can't afford, but that's moot).
But most of all, I want to see my grandmother's grave. I was in Minnesota, and I couldn't go to her funeral. I once promised myself I'd bring maple leafs from Canada to sprinkle on my grandfather's grave. Now I want something from Minnesota to sprinkle on both their graves.

I don't think i've fully processed that my grandmother is dead. I mean yes, I know it logically, yes, I know it in theory. But I watched my grandfather die just mere weeks before I left for my first (failed) college. I didn't watch G-ma die. I missed the service. And so, I don't know that I've fully processed that she's gone. And that's what I'm the most homesick for that I can't get back. Partially because both my grandparents are dead, partially because of my food intolerances. But there will be no more deviled eggs, fresh cooked ham, soft rolls, unsweetened tea (I'll put sugar in mine, kthanxbai), baked beans (although I always turned my nose at them), and the relish tray which I always ate a good half of.

There will be no more grandpa teasing me. There won't be grandma giving me a hard time (one of my last memories of her is when I fell on the way into her house. Her response? "Walk on your feet, not your seat." Thanks, g-ma. Thanks.

I still plan on visiting my cousins when I make The Great Ohio Trip, but it's still difficult. And I'm still wrestling with myself. I just don't know anymore.

i'm homesick and it sucks.

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