Instead I'll be forever seventeen

So don't give up
You haven't lived yet
You're only seventeen
And God did not forget
You're just a baby

Seventeen feels SO long ago, but in reality it was only a few years ago. I turned 17 in 2004, in 2012 I turn 25. It feels like a lifetime ago. It  was a beautiful day that day, but I wore long sleeves to hide my cuts. My arms were all sliced up, and it's painful to remember that. I was only a child but yet I was so weighted with the world.

I wonder if I knew at age 17 that age 24 I would be disabled, still battling that damn self injury and eating disorder,  still in college, not on decent terms with either parent, would I have actually committed suicide? What reason did I have for hangingon then?

And what's  weird is some reasons I still wonder why I get out of bed in the morning, just to struggle through another day.

It's scary.

1 replies ^_^:

Steph said...

*hugs* Please keep holding on, my dear friend. I, for one, am so grateful you held on when all seemed so bleak, because otherwise I would not have gotten to know such a wonderful, dedicated, and passionate human being. Every day you roll out of bed, you are killing another demon, and growing stronger, whether you know it or not. I think your other friends and family would agree with me when I say losing you would make the world a darker place, because you brighten so many lives.

Also, I have Pokemon for you. Also, you are nowhere near 94 yet. So no giving up. Ever.

You're doing great, Ang. Keep holding on. :)

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