Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

It's a new year. 2013. I cannot believe it's 2013. This year will be seven years since I graduated, eight years since I last saw my father. Crazy how time flies. It's been a year of highs and lows, of getting an apartment, of finishing my first semester at a new school, of falling deeper into depression, of riding the health rollercoaster. Of repairing broken relationships. Of building friendships.

It's been over three years since I last cut. Crazy, huh? Some days I find myself wanting to lapse back into because it helps dammit but I know it's a really poor life choice, It's stupid and foolish, and it's sick and twisted, but isn't that what addiction is? It's the very thing we hate, driving us to do the very thing we don't want to do with such a sick, burning passion. It's kind of like lyrics from a BNL song " And the very fear that makes you want to die / Ends up the same as what keeps you alive / It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth."

It's so surreal that it's another year, another year to explore. Another year of ups, another year of downs. As I continue my therapy journey, my medical journey, what will it bring? Will I only find more pain? Will I finally find hope? Will I learn how to love again? What will the doctors learn, what medications and tests will they put me through this year?

What will this next year bring? More fears? Or joy and peace at last?

1 replies ^_^:

CJ Luck said...

It has definitely been an interesting year. I'm glad to hear that it has been three years since you last cut. Praise God!

I'm also glad that you and I have been able to mend our friendship and be able to interact again. That is truly something only God could do.

I wish you the best going forward with all the struggles and troubles that come your way. Remember... God is on your side.

Your Friend,

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